Co-sleeping with baby is one of the most talked-about—and often misunderstood—choices new parents face. As a doula in Birmingham, I’ve seen firsthand how sleep decisions weigh heavily on families in those tender early weeks. When I asked moms in several Facebook groups about postpartum sleep challenges, I was overwhelmed by the response. It’s clear this topic touches something deep for many families. Let’s take an honest look at bed-sharing, and how to navigate it with both compassion and safety in mind. The kind of balanced, judgment-free information in this article is something we explore in much more detail in my Ready to Welcome childbirth and newborn care classes.

The Lowdown on Co-Sleeping with Baby and Safe Sleep Guidelines

There is a lot of stigma surrounding the controversial topic of bed-sharing. To be up-front about where I am coming from, I personally shared a bed with all four of my children. I have also worked with one of the safe-co-sleeping researchers I’ll mention below. On the other hand, this practice is not consistent with the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations for safe sleep. In fact, my doula certifying organization requires its members to follow these guidelines with the infants in our direct care. For this reason, you will not find me placing a baby in a bed-sharing situation as a postpartum doula. That doesn’t mean we can’t have a nuanced conversation about it, though.

First of all, let’s look at what the American Academy of Pediatrics actually says about bed-sharing with baby in their safe sleep guidelines.

The American Academy of Pediatrics Safe Sleep Guidelines include:

•  Put your baby on their back for all naps & at night.
• Use a firm, flat sleep surface for sleep.
• Never sleep with your baby.
• Instead of bed sharing, room share with your baby.
• Keep soft objects & loose bedding out of your baby’s sleep area.
• Don’t let your baby get overheated.
• Swaddle your baby if you like.

The article linked above goes into more detail about these points. Here is the full text of what it says about bed-sharing with baby:

Based on the evidence, the AAP doesn’t recommend bed sharing with your baby under any circumstances. This includes twins and other multiples.

• If you bring your baby into your bed to feed or comfort them, place them in their own sleep space when you’re ready to go to sleep.
  
• If there is any possibility that you might fall asleep while your baby is in your bed, make sure there are no pillows, sheets, blankets or any other items that could cover your baby’s face, head and neck or overheat them. As soon as you wake up, be sure to move your baby to their own bed.
  
• Avoid falling asleep with your baby in other spots, too. The risk of sleep-related infant death is up to 67 times higher when infants sleep with someone on a couch, soft armchair or cushion.
  

It’s extra important not to bed share with your baby if:

• You have been drinking alcohol, used marijuana or taken any medicines or illicit drugs. The risk of sleep-related infant death is more than 10 times higher for babies who bed share with someone who is fatigued or has taken medications that make it harder for them to wake up or has used substances such as alcohol or drugs.
  
• Your baby is very young, small or was born prematurely. The risk of sleep-related infant death while bed sharing is 5 to 10 times higher when your baby is younger than 4 months olds. And the risk of sleep-related infant death is 2 to 5 times higher when your baby was born preterm or with low birth weight.

Reasons Why Some Parents Bed-Share with Baby

Ok, so we know that the AAP strongly recommends against bed-sharing with baby. But we also know that it is a very common practice. One survey found that 90 percent of parents were co-sleeping with their baby. However, only 40% had received advice about how to reduce their risk of SIDS while doing so. Clearly, we need to be talking more about this!

So why would some parents choose to bring their baby into their own bed in the first place? Many people who co-sleep with their babies say it is simply the easiest way to get a good night’s sleep. Breastfed babies have easy access to their food source without having to wake everyone up, and feel comforted by their parent’s proximity. Parents may feel more in-tune with their baby. They might also take comfort knowing they can readily sense any changes in their baby’s well-being and state of alertness. In many cultures, co-sleeping is so normal a new parent wouldn’t even think of having a separate bed for baby.

On the other hand, some parents find this attunement to their baby’s every movement is not conducive to good sleep. For this reason, they may opt for the baby to sleep in a crib. They may be concerned that transitioning from the parental bed to independent sleeping will be more difficult later. I have to admit this was a struggle for me personally with my own children.

Alternative Guidelines for Safe Co-Sleeping with Baby

By contrast with the American medical establishment, some authorities in other countries have taken a more nuanced approach. UNICEF UK with the Baby Friendly Initiative in their guide on Caring for Your Baby at Night notes:

Babies should sleep in a clear, flat sleep space which is easy to create in a cot [crib] or Moses basket [bassinet]. We know however that families also bed share, and so parents should make their bed a safer place for baby whether they doze off accidentally or choose to bed share.

Exhausted parents picking up their babies to soothe them at night may end up falling asleep on a couch or other unsafe sleep surface. In fact, this is much more dangerous than intentional co-sleeping in a bed. Ultimately, every family will need to make its own decisions about how to ensure everyone gets as much quality sleep as possible, while keeping the baby safe.

For parents who do choose to sleep with their babies, the United Kingdom’s Lullaby Trust advises parents on how to co-sleep more safely:  

• Keep pillows and adult bedding away from your baby or any other items that could cover their head or cause them to overheat. A high proportion of babies who die as a result of SIDS are found with their head covered by loose bedding.  
  
• Follow all The Lullaby Trust’s other safer sleep advice to reduce the risk of SIDS such as sleeping baby on their back  
  
• To reduce the risk of accidents, do not bring other children or pets into bed with you.  
  
• Make sure or check that your baby cannot be trapped, wedged or fall out of bed or get trapped between the mattress and the wall  
• Never leave your baby unattended in an adult bed  

Never fall asleep on a sofa or armchair with your baby. The risk of SIDS is 50 times higher for babies when they sleep on a sofa or armchair with an adult. They are also at risk of accidental death as they can easily slip into a position where they are trapped and can’t breathe.  

LaLeche League International, a leading breastfeeding support organization, advises that breastfeeding parents and babies can safely co-sleep, as long as they follow the “Safe Sleep Seven” guidelines:

The Safe Sleep Seven

If you are:
1. A nonsmoker
2. Sober and unimpaired
3. A breastfeeding mother and your baby is:
4. Healthy and full-term
5. On his back
6. Lightly dressed
and you both are:
7. On a safe surface

Finally, the Baby Sleep Information Source (BASIS) offers a wealth of friendly resources and information on infant sleep. This information includes safe sleep guidelines for both separate and shared sleep spaces. I especially love the image bank of safer bed-sharing arrangements. The image below is taken from that image bank, with permission.

The Bottom Line on Bed-Sharing with Baby and Safe Sleep

The bottom line, of course, is we all want to keep babies as safe as possible. SIDS is a tragic and scary occurrence. And the fact is, we know that safe sleep guidelines have helped to reduce the rates of SIDS dramatically. At the same time, getting healthy amounts of sleep is essential for newborns and their parents. Ultimately, families will need to make sleep decisions based on guidelines as well as their own circumstances.

Your Secret Sleep Solution: How a Doula Helps You Rest Safely

Working with a postpartum doula can help you wade through these guidelines and find sleep solutions that work for your family. For example, a postpartum doula can stay overnight, monitoring and caring for your baby. This way, your baby will sleep safely in a crib or bed while you catch up on much needed sleep. The doula can bring the baby to you for breastfeeding, if that’s your plan, but you get to sleep through the noises, diaper changes, and non-hungry fussiness.

You may find that a few nights of overnight postpartum support helps everyone to get some much-needed sleep. A postpartum doula can also help set up routines for safe sleep that will carry you through the early months.

Finding Your Way Through Safe Sleep and Co-Sleeping with Baby

Thank you for reading and exploring this important topic with me. I know every family’s journey with sleep is unique, and I’d love to hear your experiences, questions, or concerns. Please feel free to share them in the comments or reach out directly. If you’re looking for more in-depth guidance and a supportive space to prepare for your baby’s arrival, I invite you to join my Ready to Welcome childbirth and newborn care classes. Together, we can navigate these early weeks with confidence, compassion, and plenty of practical support.