When Pregnancy and Postpartum Rage and Anger Catch You by Surprise

Most people expect new motherhood to be tender and joyful. Yet many women quietly find themselves face-to-face with postpartum rage, an intensity of anger that feels sudden, confusing, or even frightening.

You might snap over something small and feel a wave of guilt afterward.
You might feel your whole body tighten with frustration when you’re exhausted or touched out.
You might even recognize these emotions rising during pregnancy, and wonder if they will end when the baby arrives.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Postpartum rage and anger, rage during pregnancy, and other frightening emotions during pregnancy and postpartum are far more common than most people realize. These feelings don’t mean you’re failing as a mother; they’re signals from your body and mind that something needs care.

What’s Normal — and What Might Need More Support

Some anger is normal in pregnancy and postpartum. These are seasons of huge change. Hormones fluctuate, sleep disappears, and your world reorganizes overnight. Feeling snappy or irritable to some degree are probably to be expected, along with the “baby blues” and other emotional highs and lows in the postpartum period.

Anger can even be useful. It often points to unmet needs: exhaustion, lack of help, loss of control, or boundaries that need protection. In this sense, anger is a messenger. Listening to it can guide you to speaking up for the care you need.

But when anger becomes intense or unpredictable, when it feels out of proportion or leaves you ashamed and afraid, it may be a sign that something deeper is stirring. That’s when it can help to look at what your body is trying to tell you.

When Pregnancy or Postpartum Rage Has Deeper Roots

Sometimes postpartum rage or pregnancy rage is your body’s way of remembering — a nervous-system echo of times when you felt powerless, unsafe, or unseen. You may not even be consciously aware of what’s being remembered. Pregnancy and birth can awaken powerful stored body memories, even from long ago.

This doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It means your body is wise and protective. It’s saying, “I’ve felt this loss of control before, and I need to know it’s different now.”

Recognizing this can be the start of healing. It allows you to respond with gentleness rather than judgment. Find a doula or therapist (or ideally, both) who makes you feel safe can be a big help. Many times, you don’t even need to talk about why you are feeling this way, just having a safe space to acknowledge it and its impact on your pregnancy can help you feel safe and supported.

When Guilt Follows the Anger

Many mothers say the hardest part isn’t the anger itself but the shame that comes after it. You might think, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or, “Good mothers don’t get angry.”

Guilt after anger is common because your nervous system swings between protection modes — fight (anger) and freeze (shame or guilt). Both are natural survival responses. Your body is trying to keep you safe, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

When guilt shows up, try pausing to breathe and place a hand over your heart. Gently remind yourself, “I’m learning new ways to feel safe. My emotions are messages, not flaws.”

What Can Help: Calming the Body’s Alarm

Drawing from Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, small body-based practices can help ease postpartum rage or anger during pregnancy by reminding your body that you’re safe now.

1. Ground through your senses.
   Notice what you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. This anchors you in the present moment.
2. Move gently.
   Walk, sway, or stretch. Movement releases built-up adrenaline and tension.
3. Breathe low and slow.
   Rest one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Try to make the lower hand move more. Slow exhalations tell your body it can relax.
4. Seek calm presence.
   Sometimes the most healing thing is to be with someone who can stay grounded when you can’t — a partner, friend, or doula who can offer steady, non-judgmental support.

When to Reach Out for More Help With Postpartum Rage

If your anger feels constant, uncontrollable, or frightening, it’s time to reach out for professional support. Postpartum Support International (PSI) offers free, confidential help for mothers experiencing postpartum rage, anxiety, or depression.
📞 Helpline: 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD)
🌐 postpartum.net

You are not broken, and you are not alone. Getting help is an act of courage and care.

How Doula Support Can Help

As a doula, I help mothers prepare for birth and postpartum with both practical and emotional support. That means creating plans that prioritize rest, communication, and emotional safety — not just logistics.

During pregnancy, we talk through what’s coming and how to stay grounded in your body. After birth, I help you find rhythms that reduce overwhelm and reconnect you with your own strength and intuition. I work with – and can refer you to – other health professionals that may be needed to help you feel better.

If anger, rage, or emotional intensity have been part of your experience, the right doula support can help you feel seen, safe, and less alone.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you’ve felt waves of postpartum rage, bursts of rage during pregnancy, or moments of anger during pregnancy that took you by surprise, please know this: your feelings make sense. They do not mean you don’t love your baby. They’re your body’s way of asking for care.

But even while these feelings are more common than many people realize, you shouldn’t have to just live with them. With understanding and the right kind of support, even the fiercest emotions can become pathways toward healing and peace.

I’m currently booking birth and postpartum doula support for January–July 2026 in the Birmingham area. If you’d like to talk about what care could look like for you, I’d love to connect.

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Check out these related blog posts:

• Overnight Postpartum Support: Why Rest Is the Best Gift You Can Give Your Family
• Postpartum Preparation: Your Essential Guide to Setting the Stage for Success
• Is a Doula Worth the Money? What You Actually Get When You Hire One
• How to Stay Grounded When the Path Disappears
• Do I Have to Say Yes? How to Make Informed Choices About Birth

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Rachel Bailey is a certified labor and postpartum doula based in Birmingham, AL who combines deep research, personal birth experience, and compassionate support to guide families through pregnancy, birth, and early parenthood. Rooted in her Orthodox Christian faith and commitment to nonjudgmental care, Rachel founded Eleison Doula Services to help families feel empowered and seen. Learn more about Rachel here, and explore her birth doula support services and postpartum doula support services.

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