I was recently reading a very helpful book titled Caring for the Dead: Your Final Act of Love by Lisa Carlson. It was written in 1998 so its a bit dated but most of the information the author shares is still relevant. The bulk of the pages details your rights and options caring for the reposed broken down state by state. In the back of the the book author provides helpful advice on topics like dealing with the funeral home and filling out a death certificate.

I loved the section titled A Good Neighbor’s List for a Time of Death. Most of us have no clue how to respond to a friend’s grief in the face of death. The writer shares the ways friends and neighbors made her life easier. There are ways you can silently ease the burden.

One friend cleaned her house and made coffee. This could be helpful if it’s the right friend or it could be intrusive. When you’re mourning it could be simply enough to have the garbage taken out or the dishes washed. Who can even think about those things when there’s a hole in your heart.

The first thing most of us think about is bringing food. The house is often full of relatives and friends during that first week. But food is still relished in the weeks following when even thinking about dinner is too much. In the days following death the appetite will return and a casserole dropped off will be received with gratitude.

Everyone orders flowers for the funeral. But its impractical to display them in the home. A vase with flowers from the garden will be a greater solace.

It need not be said that there will be a time in the future when mementos can be requested and shared. Way in the future. Now is not the time.

A personal note sharing heart will count. Anything that brings a smile replace the dull ache even for a little bit.

Children are mourning in their own way. Offering to spend time with them helps everyone.

Perhaps most importantly is listening. Thoughts and words may come in a jumble, a few and then a lot. Just sit and give them space. Especially in the weeks and months when the house is too quiet and empty. This is likely to be the most useful way to make a difference.