This weekend I got to participate in Birmingham’s Babypalooza Expo, including taking part in a doula panel with a wonderful team of doulas and providing some information about why and how a person might go about hiring a doula. Making the rounds at the exhibition was exhausting, with over 800 pregnant and new parents and oh-so many vendors. I did come away with some great contacts and information to refer clients to – perinatal chiropractors, mental health providers, midwives, and more. I really enjoyed chatting with Dr. Heather Skanes, who runs Birmingham’s only freestanding birth center (in addition to providing comprehensive OB-GYN services) and Dr. Richard Baxter, who wrote the book on tongue ties that I reviewed a few months back. For a new or expecting parent, there was a lot of “stuff” that you would probably be looking for, such as car seats, strollers, baby wraps, and formula. And then there was so much more to start thinking about – do I really need to buy an air purifier and start my kid’s college savings account now?!

A lot of the parents I talk to are overwhelmed by the many products and choices that are offered to them. Selling baby stuff to new parents is big business. When Target learned how to analyze its customer database to figure out which customers were pregnant and send them specialized promotions, its revenue exploded (and also attracted concerns about how much personal information is out there for companies to exploit). There is certainly no shortage of products available claiming to make your baby’s and your life better. In our culture, there is pressure to show love by spending money. As a loving parent of such a precious tiny person, shouldn’t I make sure that they have the very best right from the start? But which of these things do I really need, and which version of each of these items is the best? Should I just buy one of each, since I don’t know which one will be best for my baby?

As your friendly baby doula, I want to look you in the eye and ask you to take a deep breath and relax. Yes, there are some things that you and your baby are going to need, and there are probably some other things that you will find very useful, if not absolutely necessary, in the early weeks and months of your child’s life. But you don’t need to be stressed out by the pressure to navigate all of this or to purchase the latest and greatest of everything. Most of the time, you and your baby will be just fine with less than you think, and for those extras that you do want to get, you can take your time to figure out what you want or – even better – beg and borrow for them from someone else. Here are the top three items in my doula-approved list of what you really need to be prepared for your baby’s arrival.

Having a Baby? Here Are the Three Most Important Things You Need!

Strong Support

First things first, you need an excellent support system in place. Pregnancy, birth, and parenthood are some of the biggest transitions that you and your family will ever go through, accompanied by big physical, emotional, and social changes. Support has been shown to improve parent-child bonding and to improve the health of both parents and infants.

You are going to need caring people who will listen to you, really listen without trying to change your mind and feelings but who can empathize and hear what you are feeling. You will probably need someone who can help you navigate a lot of information about everything from prenatal testing to developmental milestones, ask questions, and feel confident making decisions. Then there are all the practical things like a backrub to help ease discomfort in pregnancy and labor or setting up a meal train for your first weeks at home with a newborn. And some simple reminders that you are not alone and that, whatever you are experiencing, this is a phase of life and things are going to change. If you haven’t already done so, it is time to start lining up your support network. Your partner, friends and family, church, and neighbors may be great sources of support. Many of these people need to be told specific ways that they can help. A doula will support you in all of the ways mentioned here, refer you to resources for specific needs you might have, and help you to think through and coordinate the other forms of support that you might be able to draw from.

If you are planning to have a baby shower or registry, there are some creative ways that you can build in requests for support. These will probably be some of the most beneficial gifts that you receive. One option is to register with the online support registry behervillage.com, where you can request contributions to help pay for doula and other services, such as PT, massage, and even laundry help.

Baby Food

Babies, like everyone else, need food that meets their nutritional and developmental needs. For the first six months of life, there is just one kind of food that babies need: milk. While infant feeding can seem to be complicated with decisions about breast- and bottle-feeding, pumping, schedules, and so forth, it is helpful to remember this idea in its basic simplicity: all human babies need milk that is made for human babies.

Most mothers make the kind of milk their babies need, but it can take some help to learn how to provide this milk to the baby (another reason why support tops my list of what you really need to prepare for a baby). A lot of mothers planning to breastfeed think that they need to purchase a breast pump, but I would personally hold off on this unless you are planning to return to work soon or happen to have someone willing to give you a breast pump. (It’s worth asking your insurance company if they will pay for a breast pump, and WIC offers pumps to recipients who are breastfeeding. Secondhand options are worth exploring too, especially since most of the parts never come in contact with the breast or the milk.) Feeding your baby directly from the breast is especially efficient for the hormonal cycle that promotes breast milk supply, so it is perfectly fine just to concentrate on bonding with your baby, nursing whenever your baby is showing hunger cues or wanting comfort, and not to worry about the extra step of pumping milk. Of course, there are reasons why a family might decide that having a supply of expressed breast milk that can be given in a bottle is best for that family, and this can be a wonderful option too. I just want to challenge the assumption that a pump is essential for breastfeeding success.

For those who choose or need to provide a different kind of milk to their baby, the range of options for formula and bottles can be overwhelming. I suggest starting with something simple, only purchasing a little bit, and then trying something else if you feel like you need to change something. Your doula and your pediatrician should be able to help you figure this out.

Grown Up Food

While your baby is the one who is most rapidly growing and developing, your body is also going through important changes that need to be supported with good nutrition. It can be easy to neglect your own needs, but it is important to make sure that you stay fed and hydrated for your own health and to be at the top of your game to take care of the baby. Keep a glass of water topped up where you can reach it easily, and if necessary set reminders for yourself to drink your water. Have a supply of easy, healthy snacks on hand. Fruit, whether fresh or dried, is a great source of fiber to help restore bowel function after childbirth. Cheese and yogurt can help restore your calcium reserves, while boiled eggs provide a great source of protein. Even chocolate, especially dark chocolate, can offer healthful benefits when eaten in moderation! Finally, take advantage of every resource available to give yourself a good supply of simple-to-fix meals. If you are making a soup or casserole while you’re pregnant, consider making extra that can go in the freezer for reheating later. Ask your co-workers, church, or neighbors to set up a meal train to bring meals for your family. Give them as many details as possible about your family’s food preferences and restrictions. You can even request specific meals if you want to – most people actually find it helpful to get some concrete ideas about what you would like!

So there you have it – my top three essentials for families with a new baby: support, milk for the baby, and food for the grown ups. These require few or no expensive, confusing purchases, but they do require some planning and preparation. I would love to help you prepare for these needs, so please reach out! In my next post, I will add a little more to this list, but there are far fewer necessities than you might think if your mailbox is being bombarded by promotional materials.